By Popular Demand: Costa Coffee Diaries, 16 September 2019

 

Costa Coffee cup

A few people enjoyed this anecdote from September this year. So I thought I’d add it here. Hope it stands up. And yes, it happened.

Bloke* sits down at table next to where I’m working
Bloke: Are you working?
Me (actual): Yes
Bloke: I won’t interrupt you then!
Bloke again: What do you do?
Me (actual): I work with artists and museums
Bloke: What does your husband do?
Me (in head): WTF??!!
Me (actual): I’m not married
Bloke: Never been married?
Me (in head): None of your damn business. I don’t know you. I’m working.
Me (actual, taking easiest option, slight lie): I was
Bloke: Oh
Me (in head, to self): Stop talking right now.
Me (actual): 20 years
Me (in head, to self): Why???!!! I told you to stop talking.
Bloke: Any kids?
Me (in head): How dare you?!
Me (actual): No
Bloke: Never wanted kids?
Me (in head): What gives you the audacity to ask such a personal question Please just F*** right off!
Me (actual, easy option again): No.
Bloke: I’m divorced. My ex-wife’s using my kids as pawns
Me (actual): I’m sorry to hear that
Bloke: When was your divorce?
Me (in head): Jesus Christ!!!
Me (actual, easy option again): Couple of years
Bloke: I’ve been arrested twice.
Me (in head): Make him go away!
Bloke: My wife set me up. Her friend accused me of rape
Me (in head): Jesus Christ!!!!!
Me (actual): That doesn’t sound good.
Bloke: …accused me of throwing her on the bed, overpowering her
Me (in head): F**king hell! Please go away!
Bloke: What are you doing?
Me (actual): Trying to book train tickets to London. It’s taken me all morning.
Bloke: Have you tried the First Great Western App?

*Happened to be a bloke on this occasion

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